Fragile. - Y.B.L. Episode 46

[00:00:02] and we live in life and victory every day. Thank you all for putting Number 46. Yeah. I always learn to hear that when that drop like that. Yeah, listen, y'all know how we coming different. Y'all, changing something to more and then shout out to my content

[00:00:46] for your family, shout out to inspire you, can this and bear us always? Yeah, shout out to the city of Mobile. So I'll turn the heart of the end, scab you down, it's getting down now. Yeah, they ain't to be able to. Look, we got a special kiss.

[00:01:01] Yep, we got a special kiss. He goes by a bunch of names. I tell you what, I'm gonna tell you his regular name first. He goes, his government is Mr. Lance Boston. He's a building. By way of North Carolina.

[00:01:18] Oh, coming by way of New York, by way of New Jersey, by way of East Coast. That guy's out of my special kiss. What's going on with you? Which is the last Mr. Boston? That's good. It's good, Rick.

[00:01:31] So look, he's not only Lance Boston, but we're the best. We just, before we shot this, we recorded our own drop, which is on own and off the field podcast. That sports podcasting with a purpose. You're a fan, man. So I got to shout us out.

[00:01:48] We don't face books or going hit on the Facebook and lying itself up, going and follow us, you know. And start following what we doing on that. We got some good stuff coming. We just recorded episode number nine. Right? It was number nine. What is?

[00:02:04] That was a good episode. So I got him on my podcast nine and so, you know, like I said, I got to miss this with me and we got our interaction and today we got to check out, you know, papers. Ain't no studio in the air before here.

[00:02:18] Yeah, yeah, yeah. So look, yeah, I know it's gangster for real. So look, today, like I said, we got to special guests, good friend of mine. Really, really good friend of mine. My brother, we could see him family like we closed close. Yes. Dear brother, last Boston again.

[00:02:35] Thank you for coming on. No problem. No problem. So we got a lot of history. We got a lot of history together and we're going to get into that. But I want to preface what we're going to do today's episode like every episode is serious.

[00:02:48] But today is, we're special to me for a lot of different reasons. I'm sure especially to my wife too because we have a history together. We're going to get into that in a second. But I did the previous episode, episode 45.

[00:03:03] I did it on something that a lot of us don't like to talk about because we've been here lately. I think the last two months I have been a part of six to seven funerals in two months. I don't know six to seven funerals.

[00:03:20] I preach two of them. Carl Armstrong's, and then I preach to another few. Carl Armstrong's mom's, and I preach to another few. I can't speak for the other ones but I know at least two of them got a good surface. Amen.

[00:03:36] And I preach to your mind, thank you for that too. We're going to get into all that. And we got to cover it all. When I do my shows, God really gives me current events. A lot of people died.

[00:03:56] We just had to try to accident that people don't know. We know where the� are going to go. She lost the sign in a traffic car accident. Just death. The funeral I preached 21 years old murder. Death, death, death, death, death, death.

[00:04:11] And that's something we have to deal with. And the Bible says that everybody's going to die. But it's a poignant, not rushed or hastened. You know what I mean? So this is a deal. So we're going to deal with that. But so I did that show.

[00:04:26] Every so 45 is on. It was on why we have to die. So God gave me, usually in the Bible, He gave me scriptures to explain why it's necessary for us to die. And I explained it. And it's going to be on Spotify.

[00:04:41] It's going to be air in tomorrow. But you're missing because it's episode 1 at the next Sunday. But it's on Spotify. And so I wish you had a chance to listen to that. But the way we talk, we are on the same page anyway.

[00:04:52] So this dude is a genius out. I'm telling y'all. So anyway, so let's get to today's episode the interaction. I want to read this scripture. And then I just want to kind of, we don't get your take on some things. I'm going to ask you some questions.

[00:05:05] And then I'm going to let you share your heart with us. The first of interactions coming out of Matthew chapter 5, verse 4. So today the name of today's topic of today's show is Fradial. It's Fradial. FRAGEO. FRAGEO. Because we're Fradial.

[00:05:23] We don't realize how fragile life is, how fragile we are as people, how fragile situations are. We don't realize how fragile other people are in situations and we're in consideration sometimes. Correct. Correct. So today's episode is Fradial.

[00:05:41] So Matthew chapter 5, verse 4, if you could read that, listen to this. Lesson are those who mourn for they shall be comforted. So this is Jesus on the Mount of Isles, right? Probably one of his most phenomenal summons that he did.

[00:05:56] He did the sermon on the Mount and it was phenomenal. And it's Harold up until his day. Like it was this in the maze and sermon. I think it took a couple days. A long time he had to set him up in the mountain and he talked.

[00:06:09] In Preet, he talked. He didn't do that. He didn't do that. People understood and they left better. So anyway. Can I read it out of the message about this? Yes, Fritz. Yes. Says you are blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you.

[00:06:25] Only then can you be embraced by the one most dear. So when he says blessed in his sense, he says it's me's fortunate. You know me, everything is well, but you're still fortunate in spite of.

[00:06:40] In other words, whatever happened that made you more, you're going to still find good fortune out of it. You're still going to come out with it fortunate. I'll be stronger. I'll be wise. I'll be better. I'll be this. So he says fortunate.

[00:06:54] You might not feel like it, but you're fortunate. He's a song in one of his most hard times. Exactly. And lots is right. Exactly. When Marvin sat made that song, I'm strong and wise. But Marvin sat made lots of his wife. That's the gospel artist in preacher pastor.

[00:07:10] Had lost his wife. And so we have history. So with Mary, you know, with your daughter, Mary, like could you explain, and you're well acquainted with loss and understanding the fragility of life and people and time and how we should cherish it.

[00:07:27] So tell us about your experience in Mary. I had a chance to preach to a teacher, a couple of times, and tell us about Mary. Oh, God. She was 15. So when she passed away, she was 15. So she was just short of about 15 and a half years old.

[00:07:47] Typical kid. Healthy. No. No issues other than just a common cold, you know, right in that. So lived a normal life. Right. Intelligent. On-roll student. At that time, she was on-roll student at McGill. Yeah. Wow. She was, you know, just a normal kid.

[00:08:10] I mean, like I said, and at that time we had kind of a normal upbringing, you know, typical, you know, lower middle class family. You know, just that what it was. Okay. So that, you know, obviously she passed away in, in, in, in, I think it was January.

[00:08:33] Yeah. January 2016. Okay. She got sick for about six months. It was a kind of like a progression of illness. Okay. Which we had first thought it was, we first thought it was, you know, just your, you know, rash or food poisoning.

[00:08:53] And so kind of progressed to, okay, maybe you have, you know, something else. And then it was okay. Then we got to start going to the doctor. And then, you know, I could say each month it got progressively worse.

[00:09:06] But not to the point where I thought she was going to die. Right. I just thought that she was, it was something that we just couldn't find. Okay. In fact, I remember the last, the last time we had actually spoke.

[00:09:23] The thing that I was sharing with her as a coach encouraging her, because I knew she was scared. Right hospital. Right. We were a Birmingham. I was encouraging her to, that while the doctors, these doctors are the best. This team of doctors.

[00:09:41] And finally we're going to find out what's going on. Okay. This is not a time to be nervous. It's just like we're finally got what we need. You know, we need to find out what's going on. And we're here and we got the best. Right.

[00:09:56] And obviously that did, you know. So when she passed, how was, because he said, blessed are those that mourn. So how, how was that? How was it the process? What, the morning process? I know it was impactful. Yeah. To say the least. Ah, yeah.

[00:10:16] So that night, that night we drove from, I never get sheets. I just spent $400 and some odd dollars on her hair getting done. And my wife's hair getting done. Okay. And I was thinking, I was like, I didn't have four. I'm not to tell you that. Okay.

[00:10:42] Anybody know? So, but she, my daughter really wanted this hair style. She was we at some type of weep thing. The smeter hair looked wasn't like out totally out there. But it was real nice. Right. It enhanced it.

[00:10:57] And I remember the doctors right before we left because, you know, they were going to told him, okay, you could terminate. They had to rip it off. So they ripped it off. So I can remember her, I could, I'm looking at her.

[00:11:15] I can remember them ripping out was licking. I was like, oh, can Mama fuck her. You know, she's my life. Right. You know what I mean? Listen, let me say, let me say, yeah, this, he's just being honest. And this and I want this. Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah.

[00:11:33] Yeah. Yeah. I remember him doing that. And that was the, it last image I saw when we're walking out of the hospital. We drove from Birmingham to Mobile at night. And my driver supposed to pick up a pick up a, my passenger. That morning. He didn't show up.

[00:11:57] So I had to get out of bed. Oh, go do a pickup. I agree with it. But it was God, though. Okay. Both of those pilots had lost children. So can you, but can just place a pin there for us? Okay. So remember I said that's good.

[00:12:15] You find good fortune in suffering. Because that, and been good fortune. It was at that moment. Fortune because I needed to hear something. For what? For what? For they shall be comforted. One of the things that you'll, when you lose a child, particularly, you feel like you're

[00:12:38] in this particular club of people that just don't understand you, what's you're going through. And so when you find someone or you see someone that has gone through that and you didn't know that they lost a child, there's hope for you. Right. You know, wow.

[00:12:59] So when you met the pilot, you know, how are you going to go on? So when you met the pilot, right? So do you recognize that, oh, wow. This is why I'm having to get up in the middle of me, grieving or at the time, you don't

[00:13:12] see that. No, at the time, at the time, I told him my apologize for having to make him wait. Because I was 20 minutes late and I told him I was sorry. I said listen, my daughter died. I drove from Birmingham.

[00:13:24] But I'm a driver in the show and I was like, I'm a kid. I'm a kid. But when I see him, right? Right. And they understandable. And that's when they told me that they look at that. You know, you know, wow.

[00:13:34] And so the drive to the hotel was about there, you know, also just comforting me about because they could tell us. Yeah. Let's do those who aren't just didn't even listen, let me tell you how some. We, this is not, I don't have anything.

[00:13:46] That was the first night. That's it. But I don't have anything scripted. Right. It goes right along with Matthew five. You didn't know where I was coming from. Right. You've got to cut the weight down.

[00:13:56] I remember that when I was telling you about the movie, so bless those fortunate, and you found fortune even in the midst of this. Wow. So I'm, so I want to take this. And I had been driving them before. So they're, but that never came up? No.

[00:14:11] They're demeaning. Life's, I would not be, I would not have known that. You know what I'm saying? So for them to tell me they're both for their situation. When it lost their daughter, wanted to listen to adult daughter, 30 and when it lost

[00:14:23] So, you know, they just shared their, and I just gave me some sort of hope, at least for that moment. Because I was moment to moment at that time. Right. Right. Yeah. Back. No, no, no, this is good. I'm really just listening.

[00:14:36] The other, the other Bible scripture that I want to go over because this is going, this is another scripture I want to read first before I've made this statement. And it's another area we spoke about, to a more engraving process and everything that comes with it.

[00:14:50] So I haven't started that yet. That was the first day. I just got home. That was the first day. And you just, you don't have words to describe the sense of loss like LOS, but sense of being lost. LOS-T is how you feel.

[00:15:15] Not LOS, right? LOS-T is a loss. Like, I remember coming home from the funeral and I sat down, we had this Ottoman thing in the front of the bed. It was sitting down on it. And I had a stack of obituraries

[00:15:33] and the balloon and some other, you know, keep safe. Right. And I remember saying, thinking I got cheated. Wow. I was like, you know, I was like, God, you have my daughter and I get this mother fucking keep safe. And I just threw them across the room.

[00:15:56] And I was, I just felt cheated so bad. And at that point from that moment. So you said this to God. Yeah. Okay. And I've apologized and I'm glad he showed me mercy. God, I mean, I've apologized. But I've been really, I was very angry with God.

[00:16:13] Very angry. So seeing people, thank you. And I'm not trying to, I don't want to talk about angry because we got because she didn't die of a car accident. She didn't die of a straight bullet. Right. She didn't die because some random mug or something like that. Right.

[00:16:37] She died because of a random illness. So that we still never found out about. So it's like, I didn't know who to blame. Right. You know, I was just, you know, I didn't have, if you know who killed your daughter, you mad at that person. Right.

[00:16:52] If you know who did this, you mad at that. But I didn't know what happened. And so I didn't have anybody else to blame. But that was for those were like moments to moment. Mostly, you know, in the beginning, you're sad. Okay. Yeah. A lot of crying.

[00:17:08] So you told, right, when you said you felt cheated. Yeah. That was heavy. You say you felt cheated. Like you, you said, God, you got my daughter. And I got this. He's a paper. He thinks I got a dust, a dust certificate. I remember I met a folder.

[00:17:22] And I was like, yeah, I was like, I didn't even be in sarcastic. I was like, here's my folder, God. Really? Yeah. Yeah. You were really angry. Right. So, so people, religious people, people get angry with God. David got angry with God.

[00:17:40] People get angry because when you're confusing, you hope you get angry with people get angry with God. I'm not saying it, no disrespect. Well, I'm saying it. It's people go through this. I mean, you can't really, we don't have an opinion on this unless you go through it.

[00:17:54] Thank you. That's a good statement. We really don't have an opinion on it. Let's be going through it. We're going through this. So what you say and I'm just sitting over here in awe. What you'll hear is, I can't only imagine. Right. No, no, no.

[00:18:08] I don't even know. Lord, I'm going to say, if anybody ever listen to your podcast, do never say that to somebody. I can only imagine. Don't say that. What did that make you feel like when they said that to you? You don't really care. It's dry.

[00:18:21] You really don't care. They're really making it about themselves. I can only imagine. Right. Wow. So remember, what now to say, just be like this shut up is the thing to say. It's really an industry. And that's all I need to say. Do you know, Biblically,

[00:18:35] the Bible says that when Joe went through what he went through, and Joe had lost everything. Let me say this. The Bible says that his friends, three friends show up and they show up and they, therefore seven days before any word is spoken because in Jewish tradition,

[00:18:50] when you go to a person's house and they are grieving, you don't speak until they speak first. Joe didn't speak for set. The Bible says they set that for seven, make a difference. Until Joe finally spoke. I can see that. But in America, that would never happen.

[00:19:09] He's heard it. He's heard it. He's too selfish. Right. There's church that weren't happening. Let's pinp on the surface. In the church, that would happen. In the visual world. That's all. We have to, in the church that would have you got people speaking

[00:19:22] and talking, eat up by Shanda. Stop that. I'm going through something. Nobody speaking in no tone. Don't we? I don't know what you saying. I'm just saying. True facts. That's right. I'm just, I'm not saying. I need the Holy Ghost to do what he's doing.

[00:19:36] Don't get me wrong. I want the Holy Spirit to do what he does. But don't sit up there in a shot time. He bought me while I'm sitting. Right. You know, it doesn't show up also in your title.

[00:19:47] Not just how fragile I like the person who has the laws. But how fragile is the person who thinks you have the right to give, you know, your opinion or the time? Yeah. You know, so you're a time like that. Reality of man.

[00:20:03] Which segues us, I'm glad we all said that. Second Corinthians, chapter one, which we're going to bring to the other part of it. Chapter, I'm chapter one, verse three and four. You got it. So I'm going to let her read this.

[00:20:14] I want to talk about it for a second. Then I'm going to ask you another question. All right. And I wrote this very thing to you. Watch this. Last, when I came, I should have sorrow over those from whom I ought to have joy.

[00:20:27] Having confidence in you, having confidence in you all that my joy is the joy of you all. Okay. Wait a minute. That's the second Corinthians. Chapter one. Verse three and four. And I got a second Corinthians. Chapter one. Verse three and four. Blessed be the God and Father.

[00:20:44] Amen. I'm sorry. Yeah. My baby. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm there. All right. Let's be the God and Father. Right. That. Of our Lord Jesus Christ. Watch this. The Father of Mercy is in God of all comforts, who comforts us in all our tribulation

[00:21:01] that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. Can you read that out to message Bible? Watch this. Yes. Watch this, y'all. And we're going to talk to you.

[00:21:17] I want to ask you something. All praise to the God and Father of our master, Jesus, the Messiah. Father of all Mercy. God of all healing counsel. Uh-huh. He comes alongside us when we go through hard times.

[00:21:31] And before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. Okay, let's talk about this for a second.

[00:21:46] And Lou of what the scripture just said and he says, hey, we comfort, we first it says God is the God of all comfort. That's the source of comfort comes from God. Okay. So the Spirit of God and that helps us to comfort people. Let me go through.

[00:21:58] Right? So he enables us to comfort them with the same comfort we receive from God. Now I want to own comfort. You see what I'm going with you. When you were going through, you had to be selective about who you were on the phone with who you were.

[00:22:15] One of whom, who what they said, talk about that. Talk about those that were encouraging and then those that were avoided. Yeah. Tars. Um, doing your great so to understand that part is just a good thing. Just to know that I was different. I was broken.

[00:22:41] Everyone else was, I guess, going on that highway, but I was on the on-ramp. Oh, really on the side of the road. Trying to exist as if I'm just still in everyday life. So with that things don't work well with you. You're different. You're not the same.

[00:23:07] And there were so many ways and things that I just became very sensitive about and aware of when you're in that mode, almost like when you're kicked. You know what kind of like when you're at that worst part you kicked and you just got to protect yourself. Right?

[00:23:25] I was at that bare, bare mode. Okay. And so if you, if you couldn't, if what you brought to me wasn't, I've reached to comfort or to challenge me to get up.

[00:23:38] You know, if it wasn't for me in the best way, what I wasn't received, I couldn't take that on. I lost a lot of friends. Okay. purposely and on their side. Okay. Yeah. I have some friends that just couldn't deal with, you know, with me having a loss.

[00:23:56] Which is on them. But I've let go of a lot of friends because they, because a lot of them, personalities were too intense for me. Okay. Or they were needy to needy.

[00:24:10] Like if you were a needy friend and I, you know, it was a good friend to you. I don't need you now. Because you don't have it to give. I don't have it. I don't have it. So those were dropped. No hesitation.

[00:24:21] I guess I can't fathom how people can be needy for doing your test. I'm great. You were a piece of prize. I just, I can't, I can't fathom that. You would be surprised. I just can't. You would be surprised.

[00:24:35] People are selfish and we think about themselves when they ask and stuff or deal with stuff. Even your loss. They are selfish. Wow. So I just had to, you know, find a way to where I dealt with people that made me feel good. Okay.

[00:24:53] And I couldn't, I couldn't deal with the other part. It did, it had to be organic. It could be, it could be for. You could tell it was forced or super-facial. Oh, absolutely. Okay. Absolutely. Talk about that.

[00:25:06] I mean, you can, like, I can say like for, like, when you have like, you know, in that situation and you're dealing with people, you just, I had one friend who I've known for years. And he had been, he had been, he was actually there at the hospital.

[00:25:28] Okay. When we were there. Okay. A good friend, right? Not someone, you know, I've known for years he worked from a dad. Right. But his personality was, you know, it was somewhat, it was an a needing mode.

[00:25:42] He was, you know, I'm somewhat borderline depressed or my job situation is not right or just that he had, he had, you know, things that brought you down. But as a friend, not in morning, I was like, you know, hey, no problem. You know, let's talk about it.

[00:25:57] Right. You know, encourage him. But I couldn't do that any while you were morning. I couldn't do that any. He was calling me to make golf a point. You know, hey, I'm gonna come down and stay with you. Gonna play some golf. What? What are you talking about?

[00:26:12] Right. I mean, I'm just like, what do you want to hold different things? Hold in front of world. Right. So when, and then when people, you call, talk on the phone, you know, as a guy,

[00:26:22] you, you talking on the phone and talking on the phone, talking on the phone. You don't want to just talk on the phone about this. It's draining. Right. You know, me personally, and I was there through the process. We were there in that.

[00:26:37] And, and, and I tried to make sure that when I called, it was me, it was God telling me the guy like, okay, he's, you know, being considerate. You're seeing, you seem genuine. Right. And that's what I wanted it to be. You seem very genuine.

[00:26:55] And that's, that's what I wanted to be. So with the scripture where it says, whist opposed to comfort, it's a certain way to comfort people. You can get out of be careful. It's teaching. You got to be alone. You got to be alone.

[00:27:09] But, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and all four, and all fairness to them, I didn't know what I needed either. You know, this was new to me as well. Right.

[00:27:21] You know, it was, it was just a, you are detached from whatever you knew at that time. And again, I'm talking about loss of a daughter, right? You know, child. And that was something I didn't prepare for. You know, so it all, yeah, exactly.

[00:27:38] I mean, the saying is most parents expect their children to have their children. Right. Right. Right. Well, I mean, all of a sudden thought, you know, she would be the one to be even my first grand kid or something like that. Wow.

[00:27:53] She would be the one to go to college. She would be the ones to kind of bring the United family. I would think, I thought she would have been the one. Right. But she was, when she left, it just became such a void within you.

[00:28:10] We watched my, my, my ex when I, we watched a lot of television. Wow. We, in fact, one of the interesting things that came out of that because we cried so much to first two years, we cried probably two, three times a day. Wow.

[00:28:29] You had to think about that for two years. cried two or three times a day for two years. At least. That's, that's what makes emotionally draining. Yes. You could be walking, you know, you're open refrigerator and you'll just be like

[00:28:42] breakdown and then close refrigerator, open the door, you know, and then go on. Walking on the grocery store, you know, thinking about things that's hit you. So why don't you tell a vision though? Of course you have the series and movies that depict this. Yes.

[00:29:02] We were hard core critics. If you were, if you like playing this parent and your child down, you were like, oh, Bobby. I'll try to laugh. Oh, my Bobby, Bobby. We were like, turn it, turn it, talk all. And what were angry? Seriously angry.

[00:29:24] Like turn it, shit off. We were angry at it. So but then we do see somebody who has like real passion. Right. You know they're drawing that from somewhere real. Right. Yeah, I was with that. And so it was a some show we stopped watching.

[00:29:44] I can't remember the time. We were just like, this crap off. Wow. We were so aware of that. The bad acting. Wow. Because you were a reality. The reality ever though. And that was not the reality. Wow. Wow. You understood how fragile it was. Yeah, yeah. Wow.

[00:30:07] Yeah, man. So crazy. So earlier you said, your first stage when you got, it was anger, okay? No. So that first day that moment. I had angry moments. Okay. But for the most part, I was just lost and sad. Okay. First two years.

[00:30:26] Like I said, I cried just about every day two, three times a day. So was it at, after the two year more, when did you start? You're three, when you started to kind of... I got fucking pissed. And I was using it with job. But it's pissed. Okay.

[00:30:44] Why? Because man, I was, you know, nothing was going, it was just like, I just felt short change. I felt cheated. I felt it was personal. I was like, okay, personal between you and God. Yeah. Because I mean, it's like,

[00:31:02] you picked the one person that would destroy your, your whole, your whole, everything, your whole essence. That would have been her. I think of, and I'm not saying this that I want anyone else to die. I would have been broke heart with anyone else to die. Right.

[00:31:19] But that was, it just seemed like it was personal. So that year, I didn't cry as much. You were angry. I was more angry. I went through that year being very short tempered. I had very short patience for people. Hmm. We talked about it.

[00:31:39] We had a mutual friend. Right. That, uh, right. That called me right out the blue. Right. Was talking, you know, gibberish and crazy. Right. You know, which was not conducive for your people. Right. And so again, another one had to be dropped from the rotation. Right. Right.

[00:31:58] So that's a certain, there's a way to comfort people. We have to be careful on what we say when people go to it because they're fragile. Right. So it teaches us to comfort a way to comfort people.

[00:32:10] So we have way through this and I, I got a shout out man. You got a shout out to the, I'll response to people and response to people that rock with us. You know, we need to make word of dust.

[00:32:21] We always shout to you out because she always listen to you and she always supports. And she always, she always loves just things. I always think that you're not going to be so happy with the word we're going to say. Now, you'll see.

[00:32:35] I want to hear a shout out to you and see, it's a shout out to you. But this is what we do. I want to hear a shout out to you guys. And this is what we do. We do. We do. We do. We do. We do.

[00:32:49] We do. We do. We do. We started his latest day all over 70. We're the way I'm going. Oh, we grown down to this Calvary Lairnets for growing the sex with DJ Lowe. 70 plus years old. Oh wow. I was like, what?

[00:33:05] And they didn't crack the smile and said, and we are, say, okay. And they met that. Yeah, they put it up. All of them 70 in the book. So shout out to them. Go to go. Right. Yeah. So look, again, man, we just, we just,

[00:33:21] this serious, this autumn series, Lance Balsen on here, AKA coach Balsen, the still a nation from on and off the field podcast. Like, we kind of mentioned it on the show a little bit before we even

[00:33:34] say weight over there here in our boutway where we were going to. And so he told me he was going to be on the, and listen, I, when we say change in your Sunday morning, change in the Sunday morning. And let me go ahead and say this.

[00:33:48] If you read the songs, David and a few others that God allowed to be written in by way of the Holy Ghost, David was very angry with God when he was confused. He even asked God if he was asleep one time. How do you ask God?

[00:34:05] Yeah, he said, you, he said, you sleep. He said, God, he said, God, you can't be up. No, you see what's going on down here? Yeah. He said, you can't be up. You must be asleep. Are you on care about me?

[00:34:20] So he so many people in our fragility express ourselves to God and anger. And because it's still from disappointment, confusion, fear, and of the, all of these things, questions. So when you don't get those, it all balls up in turns in anger,

[00:34:41] which you were experiencing for a span of a year? Oh, yeah. What was I doing your angry time? Do you remember when I like dipping into the call at the right time? I'm a little... Honestly, don't that time. I don't remember much outside of the day to day.

[00:34:58] Just, you had tunnel views. And Ken, then about nobody. Yeah, it was weird. I mean, I knew you were, I knew you in the Rossi-Movement people that were like, I knew they were like, they were with people that were there and around. Right.

[00:35:11] But those times it was pretty just simple. Try to keep things as simple as possible. Right. That's when I changed from picking up our totels to just doing the contract work. Right. Because I couldn't deal with the random conversations, the random calls. I needed stability and peace.

[00:35:36] And so, I don't know where you were. It's this time. I kind of disassociated myself from everyone. But the people that knew how to reach out and be genuine, they knew how to reach out and be genuine. Right. Which I really did.

[00:35:51] No, I remember you would have done that. I just can't remember you. Right. I just wanted to do it. I like details. I like interview people so good. Just details. I like interview the details. Painted pictures for the people.

[00:36:01] So from the anger, from now I guess I have to spend a view. So you kind of saw that? Yeah. So then you did not kind of went from, kind of like a, I don't know where to go phase.

[00:36:15] It would have like the sadness with hit at different times when you did least expected. Right. Anger would hit at least at time. But now I'm not necessarily stuck at the house. I kind of moving forward doing more things, taking on more roles, getting more re-acquainted with life.

[00:36:39] Right. So you started to see yourself kind of like the rising from the ashes in the sense. In a way. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. It's a, we emerging. Yeah. It was this guy, um, you ever watched a carol vanette? Yes. And one of the characters was, uh,

[00:36:57] I think it was named Tim Corbin or Tim Corbin. And what, kind of Tim Corbin, Tim Corbin. Yeah. And he played old man. Yeah. That's how it was. I was real slow. Everything from it. It didn't alone. Yeah. Yeah. I was in slow life. Baby steps. Yeah.

[00:37:11] So it just took me a while to kind of embrace, start to embrace life. Yeah. And that's interesting. Mm-hmm. And but cannot act like a question. I guess, um, because you still had another child. Mm-hmm. You had your wife. Mm-hmm.

[00:37:26] And so in dealing with the greens, like in what you're saying, like you still had to go on being a husband. You still had to go on being a day. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Like how did you get that question? That's, that's good.

[00:37:38] Um, we all were dealing with it though. Right. Right. So it wasn't, uh, I didn't feel a need to be any more for them than they felt indeed the beading for me because we all were dealing with them. We understood.

[00:37:50] That was the, the good thing about, uh, my wife and our divorce now, uh, but at the time, the one thing that really was good was the fact that we were able to kind of put everything

[00:38:03] to the side and say, we, in peace, time out and be there. And in, in, in a comfortable silence, while I said different kind of silence. It's different kinds of sounds. Right. That's a whole different kind of sound.

[00:38:17] But that's what you want to be all of that, right? Yeah. That comfort. Yeah. And then we, you know, with our son, um, that's when he went on his journey with. So it was a little weird because he was out of the house at that time. Mm-hmm.

[00:38:32] You know, so he was in, uh, in New Mexico with my, with my parents. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So you know, then he got into that MMA journey. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. So for, for we just talked them on the phone a lot and went to visit a lot.

[00:38:46] But we just kind of, it's almost like you're, you're part of the inner pack. Mm-hmm. And you just, you don't have to explain those things. Right. Because they just, it just, the unspoken and you're going to stay. Yeah.

[00:38:59] And I, I mean, our house was, I remember about our house that first year, it was so loud. It was so loud when you say loud, we mean a lot of crying. Okay. Wow. Just, you know, you could be walking in all of a sudden.

[00:39:15] You just hear, you know, uh, uh, uh, my ex, balling, you know, just loud screams or just shocking loud, you know, just right. It was loud. Right. And the silence when, uh, you know, you just dealt with wrong people that was loud. Right. You know, wow. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:39:40] I saw this thing once. It was a picture of this statue and it was almost like stick figure. But the, where the torso from the torso to the chest area, it was hollow. Right. Right. Where hollow. I saw that. Yeah. Very, very, very big of that.

[00:39:58] It says a lot. Very appropriate. I'm empty spot. And because you, what you, what you feel is, is, is, is, is, is, in there. But no one can see that right. Right. Right. You know, the, the days, they, they continue to go on. Mm-hmm.

[00:40:13] Um, um, I also just recently watched this, um, I watched nature films. Okay. And they were showing the lioness when her lost she lost her cup. Right. And I could see that. Wow. You know, the male lion was coming over to Metan.

[00:40:33] She was like, no, no, no, no. I just lost my baby. Yeah. She was crying out. She was just, you could, she could move the pack. She was just lost. Wow. Which is what you say. Yeah. Wow. So, so, um, well, we are really, no, so, some 34 and 18.

[00:40:51] This is, I want to, we're going to read that in a second, uh, uh, some 34 and 18. But you know, like, like I said, what sparked this whole thing was that, it just, it just, I hope, on your dance, like, you know, and I think, uh, two months ago,

[00:41:03] both of us lost on it. My, my favorite. Yeah, and then my, uh, right after. Right after. You had a job in North Carolina. Yeah. We drove. Tell that. Tell that. Right. With one of our aunts that we just buried last Friday. Yeah. You had two. Another one.

[00:41:21] The same aunt that went to Atlanta with us, right? We buried her a month later. That's crazy. I met this preacher. He said, uh, you were all one step away from Jesus. Even one way or another. All of us. You're the one step away. Yeah.

[00:41:36] You know what they say. He knows it was going to make it out alive. Right. And none of them will make it out alive. That's the truth. Is it, is the truth, right? And none of us going to make it out of this. Oh, that was hard.

[00:41:49] That was hard. That was hard. And none of us going to make it out of this life. So look, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, this to last one. So I'm 13 to 14 18, uh, I want to say, uh, uh, uh,

[00:41:57] if I could have like a read it out of both versions. Please do. I would, I would love that. The new King James Version says, uh, the Lord is near to those who have a broken heart and say such as have a contrite spirit. Wow.

[00:42:10] In the message Bible, it says, if your heart is broken, you'll find God right there. If you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath. In lieu of this, it says that the Lord is near

[00:42:26] to those who have a broken heart and he says such that have a uh, a contr contract. That means a question, uh, who a Christian spirit. So, and lieu of this, right? It's the Lord's name. So at what point, uh,

[00:42:39] did you start feeling this like, you know, God, I can feel you're not. Like, I can feel you, giving me back when you knew it was God. So, I mean, she mentioned that too before we, let me know with my professors.

[00:42:54] I've always, I've always prayed and believed in God. Okay. Um, all the right knew he was the one holding us together. Right. That part, I always. Absolutely. But at the same time, I was very angry. Yeah. So he's starting knowing them. Yeah. Right. I prayed still. Right.

[00:43:11] Yeah, it's the word. I asked him praying, but you made that. Yeah. Okay. Super. I prayed. Y'all needed this and it was great. I don't understand it. I prayed, man. Something. But what you say? People at my God, that's what I say. You need to listen.

[00:43:23] That's what you just said. I was once told that if you wanted to really, truly open your heart and pray to God, it was to talk to them to really be yourself. Not to say some sort of formal prayer, not to be honest and open.

[00:43:36] To open yourself up to God. I got on my knees and cursed God. Say that again, but I got on my knees and cursed God. You cursed that God. I ban my head on the bed. And I pray and I just say something sarcastic.

[00:43:54] I will get sarcastic with God. But it wasn't like I was not believing in God. I knew it was there. I just didn't know. I knew it was my immaturity ways to arrive. But I just had no way to.

[00:44:07] But it was just real how it was able to get it out of me. You know? But like Spiritsus just say, God is married to the backsluff. Just say that he is married. You know, it's saying a lot. That's nothing. That's nothing.

[00:44:23] And I was, and I was the other way too. I was like, you know, and I was like, you know, you're giving me a sin. Like, you know, I love you. Thank you. And you know, I was real. Keeper, keeper together. You know, take care of my daughter.

[00:44:35] You know, all those things. I was in all those things about. I was, it just, I was a do a do a edge right there. And then to be honest, I felt at moments. But as time, you know, time heals,

[00:44:50] you're five, six, you know, you start to kind of, you know, just kind of find your way. I guess if you will. How are you now? This present moment. I have my moments. I don't think I'll ever be. I'm that guy with the, the hollow. The hollow.

[00:45:07] You don't, that's not a fulfillment. I mean, I don't, I think I'll ever be the same. He's learning maneuver. Yeah. I'm a new new version of me. That's it. You know what? A new new version. I like that. I like that right now. I'm a new new version.

[00:45:28] I'm a little bit too much telling a story earlier about one of you and Mary's conversations on the golf course. Oh, yeah. Yeah. What's she like? Did she like golf? So I was, that was a city of Mobile offered a golf class.

[00:45:41] So for $50, we took a intro to, based it golf. You know, and you, we went to the range and we, went over strokes and how to hit the ball and stuff. And stuff. That's what we were doing. Right. She loved it. But um, she was tired a lot.

[00:45:57] And you know, it's a former coach. I'm like, why are you sitting down? He don't sit down on the golf course. Stand up. You know, I mean, not knowing that that's when her illness was just taking it. Mm. Let me ask you this.

[00:46:10] And we're going, but we've got a lot of guilt about a lot of stuff about that because you took for granted. But you didn't know? I didn't know at the time. When you were playing, you like, and then like, the day before she, she, she, she, um,

[00:46:26] when she before she passed, she, she had, she went to a, uh, seizure. Okay. And then a coma. She was gone for she's basically in medical, uh, on ice for about two weeks. Okay. The day before I'm doing selfies with my joke and around,

[00:46:41] where we're playing some about that selfies on my phone with her right now. The day before. Day before. But that's not a bad thing. But I didn't, it's like, but how do you not know? Right. It just, just that, but properly, it has so many things.

[00:46:54] You know, you just like, oh, you just reached back. Let me say this. Uh, they are right. They are here. They know memories. Like, there's a few good few. I have good few. Right. Yeah. Now, you kind of where I was going to take it a little bit

[00:47:08] because the memories of her. That was yeah. You want the good stuff. Yeah. Good stuff. Like, like, you say she was all around. Here's something like over here. Like, what was her hobbies? What's she like, right? Right. I got and I got her, uh,

[00:47:22] marriage favorite things on my office wall. Wow. But I'll tell you what you should tell all your listeners is to take photos, take videos. I was going to say, what did you want to tell? What would you tell? Take photos and videos of your children.

[00:47:36] And don't take them for granted, man, because, I mean, you hear people say all the time. I hear people saying just in just, oh, my God, I killed a girl. And then you don't have no idea. Watch them out. Yeah, you have no idea. Yeah, why?

[00:47:50] I have no idea. You say, oh, man, I'm glad she's gone. She, you have no idea. Yeah. If I could hug my daughter, if I could give her a kiss, we'll just, oh, if I could be angry at her. I'm afraid to be. Right.

[00:48:06] Yeah, if I could just cast eyes off her for so long. We could get married to her. Yeah, I mean, I'll tell you to take that. I'll take it. Yeah. Yeah. Fradio, man. Fradio, man. Yeah. Wow. Listen, I know how we do with child. I told you.

[00:48:23] Episode number 44. 46. I'm sorry. 46. Yeah, it's messing me up. I'm impressive. Episode number 46. What's that? What's home? Oh, yeah. We got a song. We showed it to you. I got a song. Definitely, this and so, man, I'm so glad again while I find this song.

[00:48:51] Thank you again for, um, for pulling up, you know, I'm pulling this song up. Yeah, I know I got to play it. Yeah. And the song is... Yeah, it's classic. So we're going to close with this right here. And it depicts everything we talked about.

[00:49:10] And it's a famous artist. About a name of sting in his uh... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to let that rock, but before we do that, I'm gonna... But listen, man, before we go, I just want to tell you again. Just thank you again for uh...

[00:49:27] for coming home. Uh, welcome. You, you, you, like I say, I feel exclusive because, you know, I felt like I'm in that, I'm in that, I'm in that which it says, you give me this interview. He ain't getting nobody else to it. No. And y'all can't get this.

[00:49:39] This is all we went. This song's not right here. It's my dude. Last Boston man. Shout out again. Okay. Coach Boston. My friend. My comrade, my brother. It's her. My family, man. And so uh... Yeah, so listen, we've this been the episode number 46.

[00:49:57] It should be what I miss you better, little. And we've been living life and victory every day. Thank y'all for pulling up. You know, we did. I know this is going to change your Sunday morning. And don't you believe these people get mad?

[00:50:08] Cause we still talking about that modern day Jesus. Here we go. Oh, flow. Fresh and steel our world. Trying to come out. I think we can. Tomorrow's rain. Watch the steers away. Something in our minds will always stay. Perhaps this final act is meant to come.

[00:51:21] To come to lifetimes I can't wait. Nothing comes to violence. Nothing ever could. Gral else born beneath that angry star. Let's be forget our fresh how we are. Oh, I know I tears from the sun. Like tears from the stars.

[00:51:53] Oh, I know I will never be able to see. I'll fragile me. I'll fragile me. Oh, I know I will never be able to see.